


Brave (that's what you are.)

by alphabets0up



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, F/F, Hurt No Comfort, Mutual Pining, Open to Interpretation, Sad, blackpink - Freeform, if ur looking for happiness its not here, jensoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 11:35:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18475426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphabets0up/pseuds/alphabets0up
Summary: Jennie's courageous enough to brave the world, and a coward's all you'll ever be.





	Brave (that's what you are.)

XXXXX 2019

* * *

 

 

“I'm shining solo!”  You yelled to the top of your lungs, shaking your butt carelessly as you stuck the last corner of the poster to the glass. You jumped back once it was properly attached, admiring your own handiwork.

 

 _BLACKPINK IN YOUR AREA!_ The bold text practically screamed, with three drop dead gorgeous women posing confidently in the center of the poster. You ignored your heart clenching at the sight.

 

Instead, you crossed your arms and admired it. As much as you loved their music, _God,_ you were so gay. For all of them, really. The loud beats of the song that was playing out loud shook you out of your thoughts.

 

“Used to be your girl, now—” You rapped as you spun around to grab a mop, and imagined Jennie rapping with all the swag in the world. You tried to ignore the questions that bubbled at the back of your mind as you listened to the song.

 

“I’m used to being the goat,” You continued, using the mop as an impromptu mic stand. You were getting absolutely no work done tonight. But who cares? It was three in the morning and no one was around to see you goof around.

 

“You’re sittin’ on your feelings, I’m sittin’ on my throne!” You failed to catch up to the speed of the song’s rap but didn’t care as you went on a mumbling spree, not knowing the rest of the English lyrics. Jennie was always better than you at that, anyway. After all, she was the one who taught you… In the middle of your mumbling and your attempt at ignoring _those_ thoughts, you straightened out the bags of chips left askew on the shelf, threatening to fall.

 

The more rational you told yourself that the CCTV’s could see you goofing around, and you should get back to being more serious lest you get fired. But at the same time who even checks those things?

 

The more rational you sneered at your foolishness, but you paid it no mind. You didn’t have a lot of time like this for yourself, so you might as well enjoy the moment while it lasts.

 

The song closed at the same moment you’ve finished mopping the floor. You know by heart that the next song on your playlist was the world famous 4D. Just like your personality. Or at least, that’s what your friends told you before. You were always a little strange anyways, but you can only recall one person who’s always appreciated you despite your weirdness.

 

_Jennie._

 

You bit your lip and fixed your cap, willing away those memories once more. You’d rather not ruin your alone time just this once. Then again, maybe you should stop listening to her songs to begin with if you wanted to forget. With a new resolve, you faced the drinks section of the cramped store and took your position anyway.

 

“HIT YOU WITH THAT DDU-DU DDU-DU!”

 

You sang the whole song through, knowing the Korean lyrics and rap by heart. You were never that great at English anyway. You returned to your place behind the counter and grabbed a towel to wipe the beads of sweat that formed on your forehead as the next song began. It was something a bit out of place this time, but you were bored at the time and had to do something.

 

You wrote lyrics over an English song that your weird Youtube recommendations had given you. The song sounded nice, but you couldn’t be bothered to remember how to properly pronounce and say all the words. You began to sing loudly once more, checking on the POS as you did.

 

Once you were done checking the system, you left the counter once more with a clipboard in hand, headbanging and galloping weirdly towards the aisles of products as you rocked on. Unbeknownst to you, the door had chimed softly, signalling that someone had entered the store.

 

“I don’t want to keep it but I keep coming back. I can’t help it, I don’t know what to do,” You sang your own lyrics, patting yourself on the back mentally as they fit in pretty well with the music despite it being in Korean. As the song progressed, you smacked both of your hands towards the empty table, breathing deeply.

 

“Why are you my clarity?” You sang, jumping in place.

 

You didn’t want to but your memories inevitably resurfaced, back to a time when you and Jennie were as close as ever.

 

_“I won’t debut if you aren’t gonna be with me, Jisoo-yah!” The young woman pouted cutely, looking much younger than she should._

 

_“That’s sweet, but what if I eat too much chikin and become too fat? Or I trip over a staircase and hurt myself forever? You gotta be stronger than that, Jendeuk,” That seemed to make the young woman’s frown deepen._

 

_“If I can’t make it, you’ll have to do it for me, okay?” You took her hands into yours and grinned._

 

_“Of course, unnie! You have to do the same too, Jichu-yah~” She teased._

 

_“But of course that won’t happen. I’ll make sure we’ll debut together,” She continued, her playful attitude turning serious as her eyes shined in determination._

 

_“Yeah, we’ll make it,” You said, infected by her resolve._

 

_“Let’s keep practicing, then!”_

 

You frowned at the thought. If you told anyone that you used to be best friends with the Jennie Kim, no one would believe you. They’d only probably believe you if you told them you had the same last name as she did, which was obviously true.

 

“IF OOOUR LOOOOVEE, IS TRAGEDY WHY ARE YOU MY REMEDY??” You didn’t forget about the song in the middle of your thinking and you tried to belt, your voice cracking in the middle. You ignored Rational Jisoo who was trying to tell you, ‘ _If you had practiced more, you could have reached the note_ ,’ in your head.

 

You sang even louder, as if to banish rational— scratch that— Evil Jisoo, out of your mind.

 

“IF OOOOUR LOOOOVE’S INSANITYY WHY ARE YOU MY CLARITYY?!” You heaved, struggling to catch your breath. Holding the clipboard to your chest, you plopped down on the chair adjacent to the table.

 

“If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?” You sang softly and tiredly, a stark contrast to your obnoxious belting just moments ago. Even after all that belting you frowned, Evil Jisoo was still winning. You slouched in your seat, resting your head on the table. The memories were coming back, and you didn’t like it one bit.

 

Sudden clapping rang in the once silent store, causing you to snap your head up so fast you heard some unpleasant cracking from your neck. You stood up quickly, with your hands absentmindedly throwing the clipboard towards the shelf of packed sandwiches that you literally just fixed.

 

“H-hey! Uh, h-how can I help you?!” You yelled, now aware that you weren’t alone this whole time as you dashed to the counter, not sparing a glance to the unknown entity (It could be a ghost for all you know, or the demon. You vaguely recall agreeing to sell your soul somewhere, after all.) as you sped to the counter.

 

“Sorry about that, it’s, uh,” You checked your wristwatch, realizing you broke it a month ago and it was non-existent now, and decided to fumble for your phone that you were sure was _somewhere_ in your pants.

 

“It’s three in the morning,” The unknown entity supplied graciously. _Okay_ , you thought, at least it wasn’t a demon. It could be Casper the friendly ghost but a girl now, for all you knew. It’s 2019, ghosts can be any gender they want to be.

 

Oh right, you were talking to the ghost.

 

You rambled mindlessly as you scanned the mess of items on the counter.

 

A tub of milk-flavored ice cream, gummy bears, instant ramen, chips, and bottles of soju. In your peripheral vision, you could see that the ghost had a Gucci handbag. Fancy.

 

“Yeah, so y’know I’m not expecting any customers, so I’m sorry you had to hear me sound like an ostrich,” Your hands fumbled on one of the items, and the scanner decided that it couldn’t read the barcode. Just great.

 

“Wait, do ostriches sound like that? Pretty sure I sounded even worse. Sorry,” You filled the void of silence in an attempt to entertain the customer, knowing that people at this hour, be it friendly ghost or not, are cranky and just want to buy their things and get out as soon as possible. Before you could drop the same pack of gummy bears again, a hand grasped yours.

 

Internally, you sighed in relief. She was not a ghost.

 

When you looked up, however, you swore you were hallucinating.

 

“Jisoo,” Jennie giggled and smiled a gummy smile, her eyes crinkling as she did. “You sounded amazing.” Warm hands grasped around your own, and Evil Jisoo subsided completely.

 

You couldn’t believe your eyes. Your dream had materialized right in front of you, so close but so out of reach. The last time the both of you saw each other, you were closer than ever, careless and free. Now, she’s leagues away from you. Here she is, Jennie Kim, idol of the world, member of the legendary girl group Blackpink… And then there’s you. Plain old Kim Jisoo, wielder of multiple odd jobs, and has the darkest and deepest eyebags the world’s ever seen. All of the what ifs resurfaced in your mind. If you hadn’t left then maybe, just maybe…

 

 _You had no choice!_ A part of your mind screamed in agony. You recognized it as the Jisoo who still dreamt. _Huh_ , you didn’t know she still existed after all of these years. Though, she probably didn’t, and you were just hallucinating.

 

 _Face it, you did! You just didn’t try hard enough!_ Evil Jisoo countered.

 

Every stupid memory flashed back, and if the silence continued on for any longer, you’re sure to cry.

 

Luckily, Jennie’s always been quick to catch on.

 

“A little bit rusty, though. I keep telling you not to finish all the gummy bears, Jisoo-yah, but you never listen to me,” Jennie joked, giggling with that cute laugh that always managed to make your heart skip a few beats.

 

_She’s so beautiful._

 

Not that she wasn’t before, and it wasn’t like you didn’t see her face on ads and banners everywhere but seeing her again face to face, you couldn’t help but be reeled in. You  noted that her features were now much more refined than it was a long time ago. Her body was much more toned, yet her cheeks remained as fluffy and adorable as ever. Her posture exuded confidence, and her eyes sparkled, as if the universe was swimming in those dark obsidian pools.

 

 _I’m so proud of you_. The words were on the tip of your tongue.

 

Instead, you cleared your throat, just to be sure you could speak without your voice cracking.

 

“Yeah, can you blame me? They’re quality candy,” You shoot back, faking your enthusiasm. You were always good at that, anyway.

 

“I mean look, you’re buying so much food right now. Aren’t superstars like you supposed to be on a diet?” You teased, unsure if you were supposed to be thankful for the fact that it was three in the morning, and you were alone with Jennie.

 

“Yah! I deserve a break every once in a while,” Jennie laughed again, rolling her eyes playfully as she did. You silently wished you could record that sound and keep it replaying in your heart forever. You wished that your days could be like this, like how it used to be: happy and carefree.

 

_It’s been so long._

 

“It’s been so long,” Jennie echoed your mind, as if she could read it. Her tone was wistful as she looked at you with an indecipherable look. It made you feel strange things that you’d rather not feel.

 

 _Not again._ Your mind pleaded.

 

Jennie must’ve realized she was looking at you weirdly and for much too long when you looked down and slowly continued to scan item upon item that rested on the counter. Even the ones that you seemed to have scanned, you scanned again.

 

“Yeah, uh, I made a mistake and the system wasn’t getting your items properly,” You tried to steer the conversation away from anything sensitive. You knew Jennie like the back of your hand — _Do you, now?_ Evil Jisoo echoed in your head, _You haven’t seen her in five years,—_ she was bound to ask something about where you’ve been and you just— you just don’t want to talk about that.

 

Not after leaving her in the dark about everything.

 

It’s not like she had to know, anyway.

 

It’s none of her business.

 

_(But she always told you everything, why shouldn’t you?)_

 

“I see…” Jennie trailed off, turning her head to look towards the glass door of the convenience store. “How have you been doing?” She seemed to say tentatively, as if testing the waters.

 

“I’m okay,” Was the first thing that came out of your mouth. It wasn’t entirely a lie, but you could be better. You bit the inside of your cheek, still avoiding having to look in your best friend’s general direction.

 

_(Was she still your best friend?)_

 

“Graveyard shifts suck, but hey, at least there aren’t a lot of people to bug me,” You shrugged. The silence continued on as you turned around in search of the paper bags. You could feel her eyes boring into the back of your head.

 

“...Are you sure?” Jennie asked, as if it was timed perfectly. You had just turned around with paper bags in hand. She was staring at you with teary eyes, and you clenched the bags harder, crumpling its sides slightly.

 

You let out a breath.

 

“Yeah,” You said in a small voice and stilled. It’s not like Jennie didn’t know what happened to your parents. It was all over the news the day after it happened, anyway.

 

But Jennie didn’t need to know how Appa and Umma’s death left you and your siblings to their own devices.

 

Jennie didn’t need to know how Oppa was also in a coma at the time, and how the medical bills stacked as fast as Blackpink’s albums had sold out.

 

Jennie didn’t need to know how you and Unnie decided to drop out and leave everything behind just to find jobs to save what was left of their family.

 

Jennie didn’t need to know how you fought your unnie, wanting so hard to keep chasing your dreams, to keep practicing, to keep being with Jennie until you finally debuted, but the nightmares had never ended.

 

 _Soo, are you even good enough for them? Oppa only has the both of us, that stupid company can replace you with anyone else! They wouldn’t even care!_ Your unnie spat in a haze of emotion. She was right, and there was no way to prove her wrong.

 

You were both so, so tired.

 

And so you left everything behind without a trace. You didn’t want anyone’s pity.

 

And now that everything was slowly becoming okay, Jennie had to show up.

 

Jennie had to show up, and show you how much you’ve missed. How much you’ve yearned for the dream that you’ve been trying to bury all your life. You nearly flunked out of high school because of the stress, and your Unnie never finished college. Oppa was awake now, but wasn’t strong enough to work.

 

You knew that you were stuck here. You couldn’t go any further, and your chest felt heavy at the thought.

 

Maybe you could’ve gone further, if you weren’t such a coward. If you didn’t succumb to your circumstances so quickly. After all, the company had already chosen you. You just needed to wait until everything was finalized, but you were so scared of doing nothing while your family was suffering that you just left without a second thought.

 

You weren’t like Jennie, who was fearless. Jennie could fly high into the sky, into the clouds and to the moon with all her might. She shot for the moon and landed, not letting anything get in the way. You couldn’t even reach any of the stars anymore, even if you made a promise to be by her side.

 

Maybe it’s because you stopped looking up.

 

Your heart cracked. You couldn’t even fulfill something so simple for her when she had always gone above and beyond for you. You couldn’t do anything for Jennie that deserved the world and more.

 

You didn’t realize that tears were already streaming down your face when you felt arms enveloping you into a hug.

 

“Jisoo.” She said in a soft tone. Your bodies were uncomfortably pressed against the counter, but Jennie didn’t seem to care. You didn’t either, for her embrace was like finding water in the middle of the desert.

 

You never realized your body craved so much affection until now.

 

“I’m sorry,” You rasped with whatever voice you had left. You hated crying, especially in front of people who depended on you.

 

Who _used_ to depend on you. Jennie was braver and stronger now.

 

 _(Stronger than you’ll ever be._ )

 

“I’m sorry,” You kept repeating yourself. It was too much.

 

What exactly was too much, you weren’t so sure yourself.

 

“For what, Jisoo?” Jennie mumbled softly, tightening her hold. It was as if she thought you were going to fly away. But how could you, when you cut off your own wings?

 

The tears didn’t stop falling.

 

“I left the company, I dropped out of school, I-I left you,” You heaved a breath at that. Jennie’s hold tightened even more. “I-I wasn’t able to even explain my-myself because it all happened so fast—” You tried to explain. Jennie silenced you with a _shh_ , removed your cap, and smoothed out your greasy hair without complaint.

 

You shivered at the familiar touch.

 

You didn’t deserve this.

 

_(You didn’t deserve her. She deserved so much more.)_

 

“Please let go of me,” You said, suddenly uncomfortable in her embrace. Jennie obeyed without protest, redirecting her arms to hug herself as she avoided your gaze.

 

“That’ll be ₩15000,” You said, as if nothing had happened, swiftly wiping away your tears with the towel that was under the counter. The store was silent once more, with Blackpink’s powerful tunes playing softly in the background. Your eyes landed on one of the magazines left askew near the counter. It was Dispatch’s photos of a couple revealed at the start of the year.

 

“I hope he takes care of you,” Your cowardice changed the topic. Jennie bit her lip, you could see the tears ready to spill over.

 

“Keep the change,” She handed over the payment.

 

“You used to— you knew how to take care of me better,” Jennie mumbled, and yet you heard her crystal clear. Jennie was still looking at you, her eyes undecipherable.

 

“He isn’t you,” She tried again. It was as if she was suggesting that there was something more to the both of you.

 

There wasn’t.

 

_(There was, but you were too scared to admit it. It was too risky, but Jennie didn’t care. She never seemed to care, when it came to you. But you always pretended not to notice.)_

 

“Thank you for your purchase,” You kept hiding. Jennie tried to stop you, but her phone had decided to interrupt her at that moment.

 

“Have a nice day.” You said over the ringtone.

 

_Such a coward._

 

_She’s too good for you, anyway._

 

The message on her phone must’ve been important as that had sent her rushing out the door, her small hands clutching the paper bag as if it were a lifeline.

 

Before Jennie could push the door open completely, she spoke.

 

“I finally made it, unnie…” She mumbled, her voice slightly muffled by the sounds outdoors.

 

 _But it isn’t the same without you._ You could hear the words unspoken as Jennie finally found the courage to push the door open and leave.

 

You remained speechless and tried not to stare as her form disappeared into the night. The door jangled, and the store was once again still and silent, as if Jennie Kim had not walked into a convenience store to buy what looked like comfort food someone would buy after a terrible break up at three in the morning.

 

You clenched the money in your hand and bit your lip. You didn’t want to cry all over again.

There was something that felt harder than paper inbetween the bills. Pulling it out of the small stack, you found a calling card.

 

 _YG ENTERTAINMENT_ It blasted in bold letters with its iconic logo on top. The contact details followed as it usually did in business cards. Not thinking much of it, you turned it over. The other side was blank save for a small note written messily with a ballpoint pen that seemed to be running out of ink.

  


_For when you’re ready to try again._


End file.
